[this post is a big ol' bitchfest. you've been warned. ]
As y’all can probably tell by the dearth of blog posts lately, I am stretched.
Work is crazy busy, and although the trip to Sweden was good, it was hard and there is a mountain of work that goes with it. There was work to prepare for it, nonstop work during it, and then a ton of work that resulted from it. And then there is all the stuff the piled up during the week I was gone.
At the same time, Elsa is a lot of work right now. She is a joy, of course – but she is also a very demanding 2-year-old who is not getting enough time with her mama lately. And that comes out mostly in bad behavior and tantrums and testing testing testing. It’s exhausting, for both of us. We have too little time together and the little time we do have is not so fun.
I’ve also been lately trying to ratchet things up a bit in my athletic endeavors. I row for a masters team that has several levels – I’m on the “B” team. And over the course of the last few months, I’ve been trying out for the “A” team. This has been kicking my ass, because it’s stressful but also (and mostly) because it requires a level of training that I just don’t have time to do. I’m just not at the level of fitness and strength that I need to be at in order to qualify as a member. (The coach gave me a shot because I’m tall.)
I’m up too early every day for either work or practice and the minute I put Elsa down at night I’m grabbing my laptop and working until I drop. Except for one book I read on the plane to Sweden, I have not read anything in months. I have not watched TV. I have not daydreamed or slept in.
I’m sleep-deprived, short-tempered, afflicted with random anxiety attacks, kind of bitchy, and certainly not being the kind of parent I want to be. I am barely seeing my friends and many people I care about are no doubt wondering if I’ve dropped off the face of the earth.
I feel both lonely and sick of people.
I feel like have no time to… well just have no time, full stop.
So I need to stop something. I can’t stop parenting Elsa – in fact that is the one area I need to crank up a bit. I can’t stop my job – it pays the bills. And also I mostly like it. I can’t stop being in relationship with friends and my family – and again, I feel like I would like to do a better job in this area.
This leaves rowing, which I love.
And I mean I truly love it.
Tomorrow is the last day (I believe) of my tryout period for the “A” team. It includes a erg test (a hideous physical test which is quite painful), which I am dreading, but which I will complete because it’s the right thing to do. And after that I’m supposed to find out if I made the team or not… pretty sure I didn’t (and I’m not being falsely modest here – I’m honestly a long shot), but even if I did, I’m going to have to decline and find a way to row just occasionally, without the competitive pressure. Which kind of breaks my heart… I love rowing with the “A” team because they are so good, and strong, and also really great people. And I’m terrified I will get out of shape and fat (again) if I don’t have the discipline of rowing.
But I’m about to break.
I had a too-rare social lunch today with two dear friends and I almost burst into tears I was so grateful. It took everything I had to get up from the table and head back to work – I felt like I was letting go of a lifeline.
And that’s not good.


13 comments
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23 June 2010 at 4:57 pm
laura
oh i can so relate. tv? what’s that? books? i wish. i totally hear ya. parenting, job, relationships and health are ALL important so giving up rowing won’t be easy. can you do it non-competitively in some way? or do another sport where you choose the time to work out? single parenting totally sucks sometimes.
23 June 2010 at 5:59 pm
Shannon
Been There. I now live on the other end of the spectrum..
23 June 2010 at 6:49 pm
tafel
So you’re saying you’d sign my petition for more hours in the day?
Look at it this way – it will be a short-term loss of the competitive rowing – not the end of it. Once Elsa is older things will be a little different and you may be able to jump in again. And my experience with friends & family is that they will understand if you do have to pull back a bit. Everyone knows this is a tough gig. I prioritize the social activities that include me & Sport, and the ones that don’t involve him are lower on the list and frequently get declined. This gets easier when they get older too… you get together with other friends and the kids are old enough to go off and play, and you still get the socializing and chat and support you need without having to be parenting the entire time too.
(the sleeping in though… kiss that goodbye for quite some time, sister.
23 June 2010 at 7:10 pm
staci
there is almost nothing harder than taking a long break from something you love, that gives you time to feel good about yourself, that keeps you in shape. what a difficult choice. i am hurting for you but totally supportive. you are a hero P ditty.
23 June 2010 at 7:21 pm
Katie
Oh man. I feel your pain and I don’t even have as many things pulling me as you do. I have no idea how you do it- forget doing it all well!
It’s unfortunate that rowing is really the only thing that can give at this point. I know how much you love it. But if it frees up time and energy, then it’s the right choice for now. Not forever- for now.
We’re smack in the middle of some horrific behavior around here as well and that is actually more exhausting than anything else. No words of wisdom, but maybe a little comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone.
23 June 2010 at 8:32 pm
Elizabeth
It is gratifying to hear you talk about the difficulties of parenting. Sometimes I feel like I am the worst mom and I don’t work long hours like you do. Still, my heart kind of tugs when you say you will have to give up rowing. I sincerely hope you find a way, soon, to do something for you. “Cause that also feeds Elsa and you deserve it too. Best to your beautiful family.
23 June 2010 at 9:01 pm
358pics
Blehck…that sucks. I can’t even think of anything nice to say… it all sucks. Else will get better, I promise. Can we take Elsa for a night? OR two? Want to read, sleep in, be in your house for a night alone? You are doing a great job. Your path is not easy and yet you do it with extraordinary grace. Remember that… Love you!!!
23 June 2010 at 10:10 pm
Kerryanne
I wish I had something really cool to offer but I do not. I hope that your giving up rowing will be very short term- it’s clear how much you love it. But, based on what I know about you, I can only imagine how much thought you have put into this decision.
Lastly- and I hope that this doesn’t come off sounding patronizing, because it’s not meant to- I admire you so much. Have since I ‘met’ you before E. I know it’s hard to see your successes and how utterly awesome you are when you feel like you are drowning, but you are.
Try and get time at least once per week or every other to grab a coffee by yourself or with some friends. You need that bit of escape now and again.
Love xx
24 June 2010 at 6:09 am
m
I had to let martial arts go. That and all but a few understanding friends.
24 June 2010 at 6:15 am
tiggerwitch
You’re amazing. Take it one day at a time. Eventually life will settle again. Know that I’m pulling for you.
24 June 2010 at 6:59 am
clare carver
The rowing slow down WILL be temporary you’ve had rowing for a VERY long time you will always have it! we are with you and life will open up for you again just on the other side of ’2′ not that I know this from experience of course I jsut feel it for you!!… xx c
24 June 2010 at 7:36 am
Liz
Hang in there! As everyone else has said, you will have more time for other things when Elsa is a little older, and maybe in the meantime you can find ways to incorporate her into an exercise routine that works for both of you. Get her a little life jacket and take her out on a leisurely row if you can!
Sending some positive energy your way, and wishing I lived closer so I could help you out in some way…
24 June 2010 at 8:23 pm
M and E
My thought on this is that having a big job and a little kid as a single mom is a lot. I would not underestimate the impact of travel on you and on her and on your dynamic. Coming off a trip is hard no matter what. When you add a two-year old into the mix, well it just would be even harder. The fact that you row on a regular basis is fantastic and inspiring. Focusing on what you can do with where your work and child are right now seems the right thing to do. You know, the “want what you have, have what you want thing”.
And, letting go of that A team thing will suck. It’s just where things are now.