Part of the reason I am so cranky about the random light theft is that I’m cranky in general. I am sleep-deprived and therefore ready to lash out at just about anyone about anything. Unlike many people, I absolutely need 8 hours of sleep a night – really, at a minimum. And lately I’m not getting anywhere near that.
(Yeah, I just got back from vacation a week ago, but let me tell you, it doesn’t take long to go into negative sleep territory when your child has launched a full-on sleep strike.)
Elsa has been sleeping well for months. Really, no complaints.
Until this week. She is now refusing to go to sleep for at least an hour, sometimes more, after I put her down, she wakes up in the middle of the night every night for about 45 minutes to an hour, and then wakes up crazy early every day. And it’s getting worse.
Here are her wake-up times this week: Sunday, 5:00. Monday, 5:30. Tuesday, 5:15. Weds, 5:00. Thurs, 4:15. And today, 3:45. Sweet Jesus. We are talking WIDE awake, ready for the day, and insisting on getting up.
Nothing else has changed – she has the same nap schedule as always, same bedtime as always, etc. What the hell is going on? Somebody tell me how to stop this horrible progression.
I am frustrated and exhausted. I’m getting maybe 5 hours of sleep, which is OK for a night or two, but this many days in a row it makes me start to break down.
Today I actually cried (pathetically, to myself) after 45 minutes of negotiations with Elsa (AKA her yelling “Mama I’m done!” from her room and me alternatively ignoring her, which caused her to escalate into hysterics, and then cracking and yelling “It’s not morning yet – PLEASE go back to sleep!” from my room, about 20 million times and/or going to her room and telling her sternly that it was still night time) failed to work and she was absolutely refusing to go back to sleep. If I were a prisoner of war, I would have signed any confession they put in front of me to get just one more hour of sleep.
I have to work, so naps are not an option. Have been trying to get to bed earlier, but work and life obligations make that tough to do. Even when I get there kind of early, my brain won’t turn off.
I’m having a little pity party that I don’t have the kind of parent who will take the grand-kid for a night. Right now I would pay almost any price for one night’s solid sleep and the ability to wake up whenever I am ready.
I know parents of newborns do this all the time. And some parents handle much more than this, with grace and good attitudes. They are obviously made of stronger stuff than I.
Right now I’m mainlining caffeine and trying not to think about what the weekend holds.
23 comments
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9 July 2010 at 8:17 am
rebekah
She’s the same age as Matthew, right? He’ll be 3 in October. We just dropped his nap, after a later and later bed time. Now, he asks to go to bed at 6pm, so we oblige. He is up by 6am, but he is happy and bedtime is easy and we just make sure we go to bed earlier.
9 July 2010 at 8:31 am
Robyn
Dont know if this is helpful or not, but I have friends who have bought toddler clocks for their kids. They have a picture of a moon and a sun. When the moon is showing on the clock they are absolutely not allowed to get out of bed, but once the sun picture shows on their clock then they know it is ok to get up. They worked well for them. I feel for you. I am a nine hour a night girl myself… Does Elsa have black out blinds? Those seem to be a must have too… hope this is at least a little helpful… we will send Elsa sleep energy and see if that helps
hang in there….
9 July 2010 at 8:34 am
Robyn
oops… forgot to give you a link to one of these clocks…http://www.mytotclock.com/home.php
9 July 2010 at 8:52 am
Johanna
My son (3yrs) sleeps with me and we have zero sleep issues so I am coming from this happy place to suggest why not take her in for while with you.
Kids at this age have nightmares and scares and great imagination. Maybe she is just in need of some extra TLC.
My son sometimes wakes up suddenly in middle of a night or early morning from his sleep and needs to “locate” his mama right away ,he then crawls to snuggle with me and goes immediately back to sleep. I do not engage or talk at all, even have my eyes closed just extend my arm out “here” to guide him and continue sleep. If he was in his own room I am sure he would wake completely vs going back to sleep. I always have some books at the bedside and when he wakes before me he can find his books right there.
Something to consider….
9 July 2010 at 8:54 am
Gina
My 4 year old has been doing this, too, getting up earlier and earlier. The other day it was 4 AM, and I am a 9 hour sleeper myself. I think she’s working through something, either growth or emotionally related. This, too, shall pass! I regret that I didn’t teach her to play by herself in her crib a long time ago when she woke up on her own. So now this is what I’m doing – teaching her to play by herself in her room until it’s time to wake up (7 AM). I don’t know if she could have grasped this concept at age 3, but she gets it now. I like the idea of the light clock. S can read numbers now, so she knows when the first number is a 7 on the digital clock. Black out blinds are also a god-send.
9 July 2010 at 9:00 am
inventingliz
So sorry you are dealing with this, sleep issues are the worst in my book! Maybe she needs to cut out her daytime nap? Get more exercise? Will she go back to sleep if you bring her into your bed? Is she waking up because she’s hungry? Hope you figure it out soon!
9 July 2010 at 9:14 am
sweetaffinity
Melatonin?
9 July 2010 at 9:32 am
t
1. As she is getting older she may not need as much sleep. try dropping/reducing the daytime nap?
2. could she get up and play or watch a video or something while you still sleep/doze? maybe she needs to get up and play but doesn’t need you to be up with her?
3. I agree with the more exercise comment….more exercise, more outside, more non-routine physically and mentally challening outings/activities. could her daycare do more field trips? maybe a new daycare that is more interesting/challenging? swimming is good for tiring kids out!
9 July 2010 at 10:14 am
graceling
Abigail has been an excellent sleeper since she was 9 months old (although don’t get me started about those first 9 months!) but Anna has had sleep issues- lots of em.
With toddlers, they often have disrupted sleep patterns because they need more sleep, not less. Is E taking a good nap during the day? When Anna doesn’t get a good daytime nap, her nighttime schedule is off. If she isn’t napping well, going to bed earlier might be the ticket. Sounds backwards, but even my pediatrician recommended this, and it worked for us.
We also have taught the girls the awesomeness that is playing quietly in their room. A few things that have worked for us to help build this skill in Anna (Abigail was born with this skill, being a natural introvert) are:
1. At bedtime- reviewing what toys/books she may play with when she wakes up, even setting them out in a special “morning toys bin”
2. Making a rule that when it’s time to get up, we will open her bedroom door. Until then, the door is shut because it is still sleeping/quiet time
3. Not freaking out if they trash their rooms in the morning. It’s better than waking us up at 5am on the rare day that I don’t have to get up that early!
Love the idea of the tot clock.
Good luck! Lack of sleep sucks!
9 July 2010 at 11:27 am
haitian american family of three
Ah-I feel you. I am not a morning person at all and need sleep-lots of it.
My kiddo has been waking up at 5:30 for months and its horrible. I tell her to play in her room which either ends up in her freaking out because a doll won’t sit up or a block tower fell, or whatever else three years old freak out about-and that makes me even grumpier! Because I’ll just have fallen back asleep and waaannnnnhhh! cry! scream! Makes me want to throw my own fit. So-no advice, just commiseration.
9 July 2010 at 11:53 am
HabeshaChild
thanks everybody! loving the ideas here from my village.
we do have blackout curtains – it’s PITCH black in her room. and she gets an extraordinary amount of physical exercise… not sure how to give her more.
i kind of hate the idea of giving up her nap, since she really seems to need it, and on the weekends, i take a nap with her!
might try your suggestion, Grace, of more sleep not less – i’ve heard that a couple times and the total number of hours she is getting each day is definitely less than the average toddler…
i’m going to check out the clock…
and am also going to try to figure out how she might possibly play unsupervised without bringing the house down. makes me a bit nervous to think about as she’s kind of a magnet for trouble.
she won’t watch TV by herself yet – can’t sit still.
but thank you, thank you!! keep ‘em coming!
the commiseration is great, too
9 July 2010 at 1:01 pm
Aunt Kate
Again, just build Aunt Kate a little in-law unit in your yard and you’re good as gold!
9 July 2010 at 2:36 pm
Kerryanne
Maybe it is the age because Minh is doing THE SAME and I know of another little muffin around E and M’s age doing it as well.
And mama, you complain all you want! You are on your own! I say build Aunt Kate that in law unit like she suggested above
I think in your case, you just simply need to get a few nights solid sleep. Is a reliable sitter available to come really early or stay overnight?
9 July 2010 at 3:04 pm
358pics
Holy Jesus, this is the WORST stage… well, I am sure I told you there were worse stages, but I think I lied.
The book that references the more sleep theory is, Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Child. It was like scripture to me… but at her age, I might try to shorten the nap, not a two hour deal. 45 minutes…the natural sleep cycle…and wake her up… she will be grumpy as hell, but she will go to bed more easily, hopefully.
Get the morning nanny overnight….pronto…..
Hang in there…
oxoxoxo
9 July 2010 at 5:29 pm
tafel
Everyone else beat me to all the good suggestions. Frankly, with my own 2,3,4 am waker I let him come into my bed and he goes back to sleep. Even disturbed sleep is better than no sleep, is my thinking on that one. Mostly he falls back asleep, unless it is 5 or later in which case I am doomed.
9 July 2010 at 7:26 pm
Staci
When kids don’t sleep it wakes my inner demon. All I can say is that I have a lock on the inside of my daughter’s door that at 4 years old she still hasnt figured out. I can let her out but it keeps her contained. I tell her, you can play in your room until it is time to wake up.
It works 90% of the time.
you are too sweet, i definitely have my good days and bad, good weeks and bad.
you are a hero my dear, I personally think all single moms should be automatically canonized.
9 July 2010 at 9:11 pm
Allie
Most of this has already been said….but it does sound like the nap needs to get shortened or even go. She can still do some “quiet time”, but her sleep needs are clearly changing. I am guessing that she is showing signs of still needing the nap right now because she is getting up before the crack of dawn! You might take the nap away and get her to bed earlier and see if that combo works. Also, although it has recently been disproven I find that warm milk really works. It may be the placebo effect…when Z has has these bouts of night waking I tell him that the warm milk will help him go back to sleep. I let him drink about half a cup, rinse his mouth with water and off he goes. Last but not least, when Z was 3 we put a digital clock in his room and just taped over the minutes and told him that he could not come out of his room until the clock said 7. Then we bolted all of his furniture to the wall, closed the curtains and got some sleep. (This leads me to say that there is NO WAY that I would ever trust a 3 year old to roam the house freely and unsupervised. Maybe one who wasn’t so smart, but you have a clever one on your hands…)
Good luck…I really hope this phase passes quickly. Oh, on more thing (or 2), it may help you to 1) remind yourself that this phase is NOT going to last forever. That knowledge got me through the first year of Z’s life and 2) to try to make sure that (as strung out and exhausted as you are) whenever you encounter Elsa in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning you plaster a smile onto your face and greet her with a lot of love. If she feels like you are happy to see you she is much much more likely to calm down and get back to sleep. It will also trick you into not feeling as upset about the situation in the moment. (Really, it works. I swear…I did it for 15 months!)
Okay, keep us all posted!
10 July 2010 at 12:56 am
claudia
We have food strike at the moment, and I did the same pathetic crying to myself yesterday. Not pretty, is it? You have my sympathy!
10 July 2010 at 1:53 am
Elizabeth
Lots of sound advice above. And remember you are parenting alone so you should not think of yourself as weak at all. MY Goodness! You are doing a lot! And I just want to add my support.
It took us a LONG time but we “taught” Booty to play in her room (with the baby gate on) when she was 2 and getting up at 430 am. Now she sleeps ’til 7 but it took a while.
10 July 2010 at 4:10 am
artfulstarfish
My guy is doing this too. He screams “good morning!” loudly from his room at about 5am now. We tell him its too early and he must lay quietly until we are ready to get up. it mostly works. Sometimes we let him in our bed to snuggle and he usually falls back asleep. He also is going through a separation phase – doesnt like when we are not in his line of sight, even in the house – so we think this sleeping thing is connected to that – could be the same with Elsa since you’ve been away a bit lately. I read somewhere that one parent colored in a clock and told the child they couldnt get up until both hands were in the “green zone”. Just a thought. Good luck and dont worry about being cranky – it normal!
11 July 2010 at 4:25 pm
stephanie
We went through this a couple of months ago. Like you, I need sleep. I was miserable and wanted to cry throughout the day. It went on for about a week and then just stopped. He went back to waking up at his normal 6-6:30 time. I don’t know why it started or stopped but I hope Elsa does the same.
And like you, I nap when the boys nap. Or I should say ‘napped’. We just cut the nap.
:( My weekends aren’t the same.
13 July 2010 at 12:22 am
Natasha
Yep, agree with everyone else’s advice. Cut out the mid-day nap. Same thing happened with Sofia, and I finally figured out that a one hour nap took about three hours off her night-time sleep. I eliminated her nap and voila! Slept from 7pm to 7am.
16 July 2010 at 1:48 am
Lena
Hi, I’m a bit late to this discussion but I have something to add that might help as I know first hand how utterly hard it is to be sleep deprived.
My 3-year old and I went through something similar earlier this Spring and a friend of mine, seasoned mother of 6, gave me the advice to give her more food in the evening.
The reasoning behind this is that when a child hits a growth spurt the body needs more fuel to grow. As a lot of physical growth are happening during the night the body might need more food in the evening to keep it happy during the whole night.
If Elsa is indeed in a growth spurt, she might wake up earlier because she is feeling hungry and in her mind hungry=breakfast=morning!
I started giving my daughter a larger portion for dinner and also added a snack just before bedtime (but before brushing teeth). She gets some bread and cheese, crackers and peanutbutter, a banana and some yoghurt or cereal and milk. It usually depends on what she prefers that particular night as she gets to choose her evening snack.
So, more food and a shorter nap turned out to be a winning combination for us! I do hope it will work for you both soon!!
Good luck!!!!
PS. Sorry for such a long comment!