I haven’t been posting much about the Great Sleep Crisis of 2010. That’s not because it is over.
But rather, because I am over it.
I think I’ve somehow found my way through the seven stages of sleep deprivation – kind of like grief, you know?
Stage 1. SHOCK & DENIAL
Mhhhhm. Wah? Huh? What? What time is it?
WTF? Why why WHY are you awake right now?
This can’t be happening. Again.
Stage 2. PAIN & GUILT
I am so goddamn tired.
My head hurts. My eyes hurt. I think my skin hurts.
And I’m being cranky and pissy to my child.
I suck.
Stage 3. ANGER & BARGAINING
Dammit dammit dammit.
Hey, Elsa – I will give you treats tomorrow if you stay asleep until the sun comes up.
Forget the treats, then… I will pay for college.
Stage 4. DEPRESSION, REFLECTION, LONELINESS
Why me? I’m never going to get a full night’s sleep again.
Single parenting sucks. WTF was I thinking?
Pathetic whiney blog posts.
Quiet weeping.
Stage 5. THE UPWARD TURN
Somewhere in the third week of the Great Sleep Crisis, it got somehow easier to deal with multiple awakenings during the night and too-early mornings, and still get through the day. Am no less tired, but slightly less bitchy.
I said SLIGHTLY.
Stage 6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH
It must be a growth spurt. And I will just keep trying different ways to make you sleep until I find one that works. Something will work.
Stage7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE
OK, so nothing works. You aren’t sleeping, and I’m not going to keep trying to change that – I’m too tired, for one thing. 
It is what it is, as they say in Maui (dear Lord, please take me back there soon).
And one thing I know: it won’t last forever.
10 comments
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27 July 2010 at 11:02 am
Mike Boozer
haha, good stuff
-Mike, somebodyhadtosayit.com
27 July 2010 at 12:50 pm
laura
hilarious. i feel for you!
27 July 2010 at 1:28 pm
claudia
This is really funny.
I’m sure it’s awful to live through, but it SOUNDS funny.
27 July 2010 at 1:33 pm
Q
Ok, you may be tired – but you’re brilliant, hilarious, and a helluva good writer! When you publish all this one day, it will pay for a great nanny. (Of course, by then, E will be driving …….)
27 July 2010 at 1:36 pm
Q
Did you know that when I view this blog entry, the following ad pops up?
Ads by Google
Trouble Sleeping?
Top Ten Solutions To Getting A Good Night’s Sleep Here!
That’s just f&*’n creepy. No – really.
27 July 2010 at 3:22 pm
HabeshaChild
oh Q, you are so very charming.
(don’t worry folks, I’ll explain to Q how the ads work over wine sometime soon.)
27 July 2010 at 5:39 pm
fricknfracks
Thank god you’ve still got your sense of humor. Great stuff.
The youngest starting waking up like clockwork at 3:30am last week. I was able to get him back to sleep in a snap, but I, on the other hand, was up forever!
27 July 2010 at 8:01 pm
Katie
So are we going to make the girls bunk together at camp? That way they can wake up at the ungodly early time they have both decided is “morning” and play together while we sleep. At this point, sleeping until 6:30 counts as sleeping in.
Once upon a time, I thought of 5 a.m. as the end of a late night…..
28 July 2010 at 1:48 am
Anna
that’s so funny!
If anything she’ll eventually do like my son does, he finally realized that “hey I can turn on the TV by myself and get in another 1/2 hour or so of cartoons in before Mom gets up….” … and mom is a happier camper and an extra 1/2 hr of cartoons is just enough to get him in a get-go mood…
28 July 2010 at 1:45 pm
ckd1
I know this isn’t necessarily helpful, but it seems like at least 6 other friends or acquaintances are going through the same thing with their toddlers/preschoolers – all roughly Elsa’s age, basically. Kids who used to sleep no problem are now taking 5 minute cat naps and then all, “Oh, thanks, I’m good FOR THE NEXT WEEK” or are bright-eyed at 2am.
Anyway, I don’t know if that means it’s something all kids go though, or if this is part of an organized toddler uprising (like in Terminator, but instead of machines, it’s PEOPLE), but know that you are not alone.