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Today, Elsa turns four.
To get myself inspired, I just went back and re-read last year’s post on Elsa’s birthday. It had some interesting foreshadowing. But one really nice thing is that the Elsa fundamentals haven’t changed:
Elsa still has a big BIG personality, with very strong opinions, and is intense about just about everything.
She can be a bull in a china shop, yet is a very sensitive little person.
She still sings in the morning.
She still cracks me up.
She is generous with other people. She is the ultimate extrovert.
But in the last year, she has gotten more complex as a person, which is so lovely to see.
She’s a big fan of superlatives, especially those she invents herself. Things are the mostest, the bester, the goodest, and if something is extra good, it’s a hundred million thousand good.
She spontaneously tells me she loves me. She loves school. She loves to draw. She kisses and hugs with great enthusiasm.
She is about as princess-y as humanly possible. She loves dress-ups, sparkles, fairies, unicorns, tiaras, Barbies, and all the associated detritus. But she’s also rough-and-tumble and will happily tackle anyone who wants to wrestle.
If there was such a thing a Toddler Princess Football team, she would totally sign up.
When asked her favorite color, she will reply “rainbow“. (Actually, until very recently, she said “rainboat“, but she’s now figured out the pronunciation. Which bums me out a little – I liked “rainboat” very much.) But I am struck more by the substance of her answer : why pick one color, when you can pick them all? That’s Elsa in a nutshell.
She is doing terrifically well on her medication. She is also loving OT and I can see that it’s going to be hugely helpful for her. There is a lot of work ahead of us, but I can tell she is going to soak up all this stuff like the smartie sponge that she is.
I’m so excited about her new school (starts Sept 6th!) and her wonderful new teachers, who are already engaged with the rest of her “team” to make sure that she has the best possible experience.
I think Elsa as a four-year-old is going to be truly something to behold.
hat tip: Lifehacker
today was Elsa’s sixth swimming lesson in two weeks. i got her private lessons because i know she couldn’t (right now) function as part of a group lesson.
even with one-on-one attention, though, i can see her repeatedly get frustrated and/or lose focus from across the pool (i’m trying to stay far enough away to avoid being a distraction myself). sometimes she can snap back in, sometimes, not so much.
during the fifth session (a few days ago), Elsa really struggled – was obstinate and oppositional the whole time. she didn’t want to do any of the things the teacher asked her to, repeatedly screeched NO!! at the top of her voice, grabbed the sunglasses off the teacher’s face and threw them across the pool, etc.
it was charming, i tell you.
it was one of those moments when i want to simultaneously: (1) leap to Elsa’s defense and explain to everyone watching all about Elsa’s special needs and why she is acting this way, and (2) disappear, and just hope that the people at the pool aren’t all going to discuss over dinner the obnoxious brat taking lessons at the pool today.
the teacher – a saintly 20-something named Jane – seemed perplexed by Elsa’s behavior, but soldiered on through. i could tell that she was relieved when the 20-minute session was over. and i was happy to get Elsa out of there. (it made me wonder whether swimming lessons were a good idea at all. and i felt – as i often do – exhausted by the whole thing.)
but today, the tide turned for the better. Elsa was much more able to focus, was willing to do most everything Jane requested, and also kind of “got” it in a new way – she actually floated and kicked at the same time, while holding her face in the water. she was absolutely beaming with pride and was giving Jane high-fives.
made my day.
and a good reminder that we need to keep trying to do stuff, even when it looks like she can’t do it… because the next time she might.
today, we’re almost two weeks into a trial of an extended-release drug for Elsa. It comes in a patch that goes on her back. (well, it’s recommended to go on the hip, but any toddler is going to pull that thing right off if it’s in reach, so i put it up in between her shoulder blades where she can’t get at it.)
the first day i put the patch on, Elsa asked a million questions about it. she loves stickers, so instead of a patch, i called it a sticker. it is clear, and kind of disappears once it’s on. she calls it her “magic sticker”.
i explained that it has medicine in it, so only a grownup can put it on or take it off. it hurts a little when it comes off, but i try to take it off quickly then give her a little treat for being brave. she doesn’t love that part, but we talk about how the sticker helps her feel better and helps her slow her body down.
in the last week, we have exactly zero meltdowns. some crying, yes – but normal 3-year-old little crying at normal things. these last a few minutes and then – poof! – all is forgotten and we are back to normal.
her energy level is still very high. she is still willful and challenging. she still hates transitions. and she’s still a chatterbox. her sunny personality, thank God, is still very much there.
the thing that is gone is the explosiveness and the volatility and the tantrums. i am starting, just starting, to no longer walk on eggshells around her, afraid to say or do something that will set her off. i can correct her, or redirect her, and it’s not the start of a downward spiral. she can now endure a time-out without overreaction.
she’s loving her occupational therapy sessions, she’s more able to participate in them fully, and i can already see some changes there.
yesterday, one of her teachers at preschool pulled me aside and told me that Elsa seems more mature lately, and that she is much less impulsive.
magic sticker indeed.
a anonymous commenter on the previous post pointed out that it’s reasonable that the au pair found Elsa overwhelming and i should probably lighten up.
if that was truly the only reason for her departure, i would not fault her for that. but i truly think it was not, so i am a bit cranky about the whole thing.
the au pair made the decision to go home because she was homesick and lonely – something that happens a lot to au pairs after they’ve been here a month or two, before they have gotten settled and made friends. she later said she decided she doesn’t really want to care for children, or live with them. she refused all other re-placement offers from the au pair agency, even to easy placements, like families with one older child. she just wanted to go home. i think she wanted a fun adventure in the US, and the childcare part was not for her. which is fine – we’re better off without her, in that case.
(also, for the record, i would never expect a child-care provider to deal with Elsa when her behavior spirals out of control. i am the person to deal with it when it happens… so, far, Elsa’s saved those behaviors for me.)
so, i don’t like her pointing to Elsa as the sole reason for her departure when in reality it was that au pair gig was just not for her. Elsa has enough labeling and judgement from the world – she doesn’t need more. and we are dealing with a 5-week gap in childcare because of her hasty departure, which is a total nightmare. so i’m not in the mood to be touchy-feely and supportive of her now that she is feeling regret over her decision.
and that’s the end of my rant about the old au pair.
the new one is showing up Sept 10, and i’m hoping he’ll be great (yes, you read that right – it’s a manny!). we were excruciatingly clear with him about what he’d be signing up for, and he’s interested in working with special needs kids (and has experience) and incredibly enthusiastic, so i’m optimistic.
got two weepy facebook messages from the ex-au pair today (the one who said Elsa was “too hard”).
apparently she is not having a good time at home, she really misses us, and although she was only with us for 7 weeks, she loves us.
also, she now regrets quitting and going home.
cry me a river.
thanks to you all for the response. i had written and deleted the previous post many times, for fear of… i’m not sure what. fear of being judged. fear that people wouldn’t believe me. fear that no one would respond at all.
but you guys did, and i feel much, much less alone.
some good news i should report is that the latest Rx we’re trying – a sustained-delivery system (in the form a patch) – seems to be working really well, without big swings. hard to say for sure (we’re just on day 3) but it looks promising.
also, Elsa had her first swimming lesson yesterday. i was afraid it was going to be awful – high potential for a very public meltdown of epic proportions. but it went, well… swimmingly.
finally, the rather epic bad news: today is the first day of what will be five weeks without childcare. the au pair quit (citing Elsa as the reason, which made me want to punch her) and the new one won’t arrive until September 10.
pray for us.
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