having a crisis in one’s personal life is an interesting thing.
not the crisis part – but the way people react to it.
although i post gobs of gory detail of my life here on El Bloggo, in my real life, i am rather private.
the recent demise of my relationship has been far too public for my liking, and far too many people are fascinated by it. i understand the impulse – it is a juicy story. but i am now starting to hear versions of it that aren’t anywhere close to factual. and now more and more people want me to talk about it.
there are some people now practically insisting that i talk to them about my personal life. suddenly, i am interesting? more likely, they want the inside scoop.
i’m keeping counsel with trusted friends and my inner circle (which includes my village here on habeshachild). that’s it.
i know i can’t control what people say about me, my ex, the whole sordid mess. but it still bothers me – a lot – that they are so intrusive and meddlesome. maybe because i’m NOT talking about it a lot, they feel they can just make stuff up?
my shrink reminds me that the reaction of others to my situation speaks volumes about their OWN unresolved “stuff”, and very little about me, K, or us.
this is true, i know.
what i didn’t expect is how many people have so much “stuff” that is stirred up by this situation.
and they all want to talk to me about it.
11 comments
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4 April 2012 at 2:14 pm
susan
Oh my.
Sorry.
Indeed, the gossip is almost always not about the exact situation, but rather some other thing.
But it doesn’t make it any less hurtful.
4 April 2012 at 2:21 pm
k8degr8
let them sweat and don’t bend to the pressure to talk! I hate that prurient, morbid fascination thing. Just get a life, people.
4 April 2012 at 2:59 pm
rebekah
Your shrink is right. People are really afraid that perhaps their situation is harboring some similar issues and they prefer instead to focus on others rather than look inside. I hope you’re doing your darndest to believe that and taking care of yourself. I find it bizarre that everyone wants to talk with you about it.
I’m just so sorry, all around.
On another completely different and selfish note – I will be in the area for a good long time in June (a week, but that seems long to me), with the whole fam. I’d love nothing more than for you and Elsa to come up and visit us in Sonoma County for some hiking and playing in the dirt. I won’t ask shit about this deal, I promise. I selfishly just want to meet you! Or, we’ll rendezvous near you if that works out better for you.
4 April 2012 at 7:00 pm
Paige
Perhaps you could extend a business card from your shrink, if they need to talk so badly.
People love drama. Taking part in it makes them feel a liitle extra special too. Ignore them all and remember to stick close to the ones who love you best.
Xo
4 April 2012 at 9:14 pm
hazel
Nosy Parkers!! I’m sorry they’re getting all up in your grill, as the young folk say. It’s hard enough dealing with your hurt without having to fend off invasive and insensitive people at the same time.
5 April 2012 at 7:56 am
Dawn
It sucks when people pretend to care just to get the “dirt.” Someone who really cares about you, doesn’t care about the details, they only want to support you. Keep your distance from those who aren’t sincere and protect yourself in the cocoon that is your inner circle.
Love you….take care of yourself.
5 April 2012 at 8:49 am
ckd1
Oh man, I hear you there. When my relationship crashed and burned (due to infidelity) 4 years ago EVERYONE wanted the gory details. I have a friend who for ages would ask about the ex (had I heard from him? would I ever speak to him again?) and I finally had to tell her that I was done talking about him, thinking about him, etc. I found that some people wanted the details because they wanted to be able to tell themselves that this could never happen to them. Some like a good train wreck and I was able to deliver on that front (for a few weeks at least). And some were ready with an ever-helpful “I told you so!” Few were actually concerned and trying to comfort me or just be kind. You’re right on to keep this to share this in whatever way YOU feel is appropriate or helpful or healing for YOU, not someone else’s “enjoyment.”
5 April 2012 at 9:34 am
fricknfracks
I highly recommend meeting up with Rebekah. Imho, she’s better than a shrink. Plus her family is delightful. Sending you love.
5 April 2012 at 1:48 pm
Jenny
Or do they really just want to talk about the downfall of their own relationships? Seems like that’s often what it ends up being.
5 April 2012 at 6:35 pm
bigtablefarm
they’re getting all up in your grill – love this saying .. just hit the gas and run ‘em over girl friend…
17 April 2012 at 12:28 am
ndalzell
Think of how little they must have going on in their lives.