i don’t understand what lesson is the universe trying to teach me. it feels everything in my personal life is being torn away. some kind of clean slate and/or scorched earth thing is going on, in a painful way.
the first true love my life is my dog, India. she has been with me through thick and thin. she is the most loving, sweet, gentle soul i know. she has been true blue – the most loyal, loving, constant presence in my life for the last 13 years.
and she is dying.
yesterday i got as far as calling the vet to the house to put her down. but after an examination, the vet said we could try a few things – mostly pain meds – and see if she might bounce back. it’s possible that she has some kind of inner-ear infection, which would account for India’s loss of appetite, stumbling and falling, and holding her head at a weird tilt. if so, it’ll resolve in a few days.
but it’s more likely that it’s something bigger. like a brain tumor.
she still gets up and wags her tail when she sees me. she happily ate the peanut butter i gave her. but she’s obviously uncomfortable and disoriented. and i just can’t take the fact that she is not long for this world.
yesterday i laid down with her and just petted her and cried.
today i sat Elsa down and tried to prepare her – explained that India is getting so old and her body is tired and sick. Elsa asked if India was going to die soon, and i said yes. she responded that we would not be a family anymore without India and she started sobbing. i didn’t even know what to say.
i have lost so much in the last few months – i don’t know how to take this one.