A few more thoughts on my desire to see more black kids in Elsa’s classroom (as opposed to being spread out among the three pre-K classrooms).
I had a lightbulb moment when I talked to the Head of School.
He said, basically, that it would take a huge effort to make it happen, and it would cause a LOT of controversy.
I had given him all my reasoning (as described in my follow-up letter), and — after a fair bit of prodding, extracted his personal opinion (based on the research out there and his own research for his doctorate in Education) that clustering children of color together is better for them.
But then he said: we are going to have to go to the mat on this one.
I was feeling really dense, and then he said: the white parents won’t like it.
And I sat there, feeling even more dense.
Somehow managing not to notice I was being slow, he continued: they are paying 25 grand a year for diversity. And so they want Elsa (or someone who looks like her) in their child’s class. They won’t be happy with an all-white class.
DUH.
I keep going back to this thought, because it is so obvious. But I was so oblivious. Of COURSE they want a black kid in their child’s classroom. Diversity is hard to find in our very white homogeneous county. And the more kids of color you can put in a predominantly white classroom, the better.
Except it’s not better for the kids of color. At all.
So who do they satisfy? The majority of the parents, who have white kids at the school and want to see diversity in their classroom? Or the minority of parents, who have kids of color who would be better served by all being in the same classroom?
It’s a sticky wicket.
If I had a white kid, I’d want kids of color in my kid’s class. But then again, I would never even have considered whether it was similarly beneficial (or even detrimental) to the minority kids to be spread out to satisfy this desire.
Yet another sign of my white privilege – never crossed my mind.
But now I’m thinking – I totally should go to the mat. I am white. The other white parents will have a harder time dismissing me as having a racial agenda.
And I can relate to them. Right?
Or am I stirring up unnecessary controversy?
21 comments
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16 May 2012 at 1:36 pm
rebekah
go to the mats baby – I’m gonna do the same. we need to talk more about this.
16 May 2012 at 2:00 pm
susan
assuming that you are also paying 25 grand for diversity, you have every right to go to the mats (and indeed every obligation to do so). You are right, as a white woman, you’ll confuse the heck out of parents. I won a similar (but less important) battle with the Girl Scout day camp based on the same concepts (though much less well articulated.)
Honestly, if I were the mother of a white child, I think I’d be perplexed but after listening to you, I’d understand and agree to it. I think the other children get the diversity if it’s in their school,even if it’s not in their room, and they may actually “get” it better when there is enough of a cluster that it’s notable, rather than all spread out and hardly noticeable.
16 May 2012 at 4:46 pm
Scooping it up
do it. controversy be darned. i hope i’d have the guts.
16 May 2012 at 5:41 pm
inventingliz
I agree with Susan – if everyone is paying $25 grand for a good education, why do the needs of the white students trump the needs of the children of color? Isn’t that how we end up with white adults who don’t see their own privilege in the first place? I think you should go to the mats over this and then challenge the white parents to increase the diversity of the school so there are enough children of color to spread out among all the classes.
16 May 2012 at 5:50 pm
Gin
do it. hands down, do it.
16 May 2012 at 5:50 pm
jcmarie
Go to the mats!
16 May 2012 at 8:54 pm
Jennifer
Go to it. Elsa deserves the best; it shouldn’t matter what the PARENTS want. Children are the priority. It is the admnistrator’s job is to find/create/achieve diversity through other actvities, events,and guests NOT at the expense of your child.
16 May 2012 at 9:29 pm
torskydre
Go to the mat! It’s almost like he is saying these parents bought a “black child experience package” or something. Diversity has to be taught in the home, on weekends and in everyday life…it is the PARENTS’ responsibility, not Elsa’s. I grew up as the only black child in many classes, and I felt like people were staring at me during Black History month like it was my job to do a dance and break down the importance to everyone. Sorry for the rant, its a personal issue with me
17 May 2012 at 5:36 am
Darlene
I agree with everyone here, go to the mat. It does sound like it will be difficult, as I can understand the desire of other parents to send their children to a school with diversity.
I’m feeling especially lucky that my girls (1 Chinese and 1 Ethiopian) attend a local public school a couple hours down the coast from you with really good diversity (about 23% white, 23% hispanic, 20% Asian, 15% mixed race, 15% Black and about 5% Pacific Islander). The school even has a special autism program and several of those kids spend a portion of their day blended in with the regular student population. Neither of my girls has 10 kids in their classes of 28 and 29 that look exactly like them, but then again, no one does. We have talked a lot about all the different colors and types of kids in their classes and I’m pretty sure neither of them feels like the token black or asian child.
Living where I do was really one of the deciding factors for me when I was considering adoption. I’m not all high and mighty though – I can’t say for sure if I would have moved, or decided not to adopt if this kind of diversity wasn’t here, but posts like yours make me very glad that I am where I am. I grew up in a wealthy, whitey-white community and I was probably the only southern-Europeanish kid in a sea of blond-haired-blue and green-eyed children, not to mention my dad was a gardener in a community where kids had private helicopters. So I was a bit of the token child myself. I certainly wasn’t miserable, but I can see now that I would have really benefitted from having more kids like me in my early childhood.
So, do what you need to do for Elsa. One thing my girls’ school does is afternoons are spent in classes other than their own. For instance, there are 3 first grade classrooms and my daughter is with her regular teacher in the mornings and then spend a fair portion of the afternoon “resorted” into one of the other teacher’s classrooms. It’s done to respond to students’ varying academic needs, and targets enrichment in different areas for each trimester, but it allows kids exposure to more kids and different teachers (and in my daughter’s case the she has had 1/3 of the year with a hispanic/asian teacher, 1/3 with a male teacher, and 1/3 of the year with her caucasian teacher.) It’s an interesting model, but perhaps something to suggest if the battle at Elsa’s school is difficult.
Best of luck to you. Elsa’s lucky to have a mom willing to go to the mat.
17 May 2012 at 5:55 am
habeshachild
One thing I should clarify I’d that the head of school is African American, as are BOTH of Elsa’s teachers. This was a key reason for me choosing the school. The public schools here are less diverse than the private schools These teachers, in particular, have been really wonderful for Elsa.
They get it. The Head of School gets it
The very real challenge is how to accomplish it without having the parents of white children feel like their kids are missing out on racial diversity – a legitimate concern.
(I have thought about moving. But my job and family support is here as is my home that I can’t sell in this market. And there are a ton of positive things about this community. Staying here, though, does mean that I need to make extra efforts to ensure Elsa has peers and role models that look like her. )
17 May 2012 at 7:05 am
susan
Assuming that the kids will not stay in the exact same groupings every year, it seems like all parents will have a chance to have their child be in the “diverse” grouping eventually. What do parents of the other black children want?
17 May 2012 at 7:49 am
Jenny
I can’t imagine that the white parents would be against it after having it explained to them. I certainly would not want an advantage for my child at the expense of another child. Like I said before, there are other ways to expose the children to diversity and it sounds like the school has the funding to accomplish that. I’m glad that the school staff is so supportive.
17 May 2012 at 9:04 am
Dawn
It’s a hard issue. My kids attend a private school–mostly white (24% non-white students) Their school is also small–only about 270 students. What it boils down to is about 2-3 non-white kids in each class). Our school only has one class per grade level, so everyone at each grade level is together. I could have chosen a school for my non-white kids that was more reflective of who they are, but I didn’t
I was listening to NPR one day where a black man was speaking about his identity development and how he felt ill prepared for college and the real world by attending a school that was predominately non-white (it was a private school–but an extremely diverse private school) because he didn’t learn how to cope with being the only black guy in a board room or at a meeting. Not to say that we need to isolate our children of color, and I agree it is important for our kids to be with others who are reflective of them. Are you wanting all the non-white students put together just for pre-school? or all through school? I don’t know the structure. Because while in this early age it is important, as she and the other students get older it creates a culture of separation.
But I also see the head of schools point. It’s a tough line to navigate. We can’t do what is right for everyone–all you can do is do what is right for Elsa and the board of your school will decide what is right for the school.
17 May 2012 at 10:54 am
KateM
We can talk about this tonight.. but it not unlike my ability, as a straight woman, to go up against the community(typically straight) that is opposed to gay marriage… I need to go to the mat because I can relate to those breeders and have more influence as “one of them”.
I like to consider myself an ally and I have not regretted my standing up for something I believe in as long as I can be very detached to the outcome emotionally.(Note: NOT EASY) if I think of it as an educational opportunity for them and see that as progress, I think that is useful. I liken it to the number of times an alcoholic needs to be told they are an alcoholic and the 4036th time, it sinks in and they change their behavior. GO baby!
17 May 2012 at 2:03 pm
ckd1
I guess one thing that rubs me the wrong way (as a white, childfree person with no dog in this fight so whatever) is the whole idea that the children of color are there as some sort of special guest star to teach the white kids A Lesson About Diversity like this is a Very Special Episode of Different Strokes or something. There’s a weird Other element to it; like all these parents are demanding that for their $25k a year they deserve that diversity – in the form of one token child who will act as ambassador – they were promised, damn it! Maybe it’s not that way at all, and it’s probably horrible of me to make assumptions about a bunch of people I’ve never met. Point is, your issues don’t seem crazy at all, and like you said: parents are just looking out for their own kids and it’s hard to put yourself in another position until you’re smack in the middle of it.
Elsa is a student at this school, too, and your concerns about HER well-being are absoutely legit and deserve to be heard. Whether they are honored is another story, but I certainly wouldn’t be shy about expressing them. You’re not stirring up unnecessary controversy – it’s not like you’ve stormed into the place, yanked Elsa out, and sued the school. You’re engaging in a discussion and making your concerns known.
17 May 2012 at 5:12 pm
R
A has been the token black child in her class at a fancy, $25k a year SF private school this year (which boasts 50% children of color statistic) and it’s been an absolute disaster on so many levels. Happy to chat with you about it if you want.
I so wish I would have gone to the mat and fought harder for her to be with the token kid in the other K class. I was totally shut down by the all white administration.
Funny, they JUST started an affinity group for the girls of African descent in her school (now that we’re 3 weeks from the year being over) and I was telling A about it – she said “wow, there aren’t going to be very many people there” – almost like she meant to be sarcastic.
I can’t wait for the year to be over.
Good luck! It’s really important.
18 May 2012 at 2:00 pm
ndalzell
Go go the mat. At Sofia’s school they make sure that a kid is never the “only” of anything in the class. And I know they do that elsewhere in SF too — SF Day School comes to mind.
Plus… what is really lame is that there is an obvious solution that will make everyone happy — admit more black kids. I mean, right? So fine, if there are three classes, there is NO reason there shouldn’t be at least six black kids. Maybe they need more outreach.
And w/ Sofia, the head of school is black, as was her K teacher and her current 2nd grade teacher. So there are other people of color around her, but the fact that they group kids together based on a number of things (including race/ethnicity) is intentional
18 May 2012 at 6:22 pm
Janabelle
I’m curious… are the other parents of the African American kids on your side?
18 May 2012 at 8:19 pm
habeshachild
Yes, the parents I have spoken to agree.
20 May 2012 at 3:39 am
Kerry
Go to the mat! Absolutely without question, go to the mat. Elsa and the other non white children are not there ‘for’ the white kids and their parents to feel better about themselves and to be the topic of discussion- ‘oh Sally goes to such a diverse school! We are so down with ethnic diversity!’ etc. They attend that school for the same reason all the white kids do: a quality education.
If the director agrees, the AA teachers and the other parents of AA children feel agree that it is ultimately better to have the kids grouped together, then it needs to be addressed and followed through with. It is NOT A DECISION FOR THE WHITE PARENTS TO MAKE. Period! End of discussion! If they argue this point, they are basically saying that they want the non white children as ‘props’ for their kids. Listen, H and I have had this issue for M, too. We have addressed it and dealt with it but it takes perseverance and confidence that what we are doing is the right thing- and his school is relatively ‘diverse’. Hell will freeze over before I let my son be looked upon as a means for white people to feel better about themselves.
I swear I’m not as angry as I sound
We have had to deal with some truly condescending and self serving crap- not just the way M is looked at but also the other non-white children in his school…..
21 May 2012 at 10:41 am
Wendy
Everyone else has already given great wisdom, but I just wanted to say thanks for sharing this–I must say I hadn’t really thought about this particular issue of grouping, but now that I have I think I would have to go to the mat on it (easier said than done of course) if AJ does not end up in one of the diverse/mostly black schools we expect to have her in this fall (after we move, location TBD).