You are currently browsing the category archive for the ‘bloggerdom’ category.
Clearly, this is my desperate need. I have a boat to burn – to remove the option of using it to return to the past, forcing myself to move forward.
Yes, the Relationship is over. That crashed and burned in a rather dramatic and awful way last week. I know we will never be together again. That cruise ship is in ashes.
But to keep myself from going crazy, I keep telling myself we can be friends. Right? That way I get to stay in touch. I get to stay connected. I get to feel important and needed.
I am crushed and hurt and the betrayal was of the worst kind.
Yet, I cling to this lifeboat of our friendship; it is all I have left.
And I keep myself locked into something that’s causing so much pain. Leaving no room for healthy.
I’m afraid of what will happen if it’s gone. Afraid of having no ability to soften the world’s edges for someone, to be the emotional buffer. Afraid of consequences beyond my control.
It’s possible, someday, we might become friends again. But we can’t be now, no matter how much love remains.
I have to burn the little lifeboat of this friendship. I need to let it go, and let myself feel the separation and loneliness and the grief.
I need to strike that match. It’s so hard.
OK, first in the Burning Question series from the fabulous Danielle LaPorte:
Your day, kissing, next success, friendships, nervous system, money-making… How do you want it all to feel?
(riffing here, not editing – free flow is the best way, I think, to answer this one:)
I want my day to feel like a sonata, starting and ending gracefully.
I want kissing to feel like taut electricity, hard and soft.
I want my friendships to feel like a sitting in a sunny window in winter with a full tummy and a good book.
I want my relationship with Elsa to feel like waking up to a spectacular sunrise.
I want money to feel like a waterfall.
I want love to feel like a simple feast just for two on the African plains with dozens of flickering lights and soft cushions and good wine and all the time in the world.
I want my life to feel momentous.
hat tip: Lifehacker
no, I’m not having thoughts about hanging up my workin’ shoes and sitting on the couch reading a newspaper for once. (well, yes, I have those thoughts, but I know they are squarely, and sadly, in the “fantasy” category.)
I’m thinking about retiring this blog.
this would not result in much of a change for you, dear readers, as I can barely manage to eke out a post a month as it is. but perhaps I would feel slightly less loser-ish is I just officially pulled the plug rather than having weeks-old posts staring at me accusatorily (is that a word?).
i’m still posting on facebook, so maybe that’s enough.
Sometimes other people say stuff just much better than I could.
Scoot on over to Staci’s place, take a read, remove your chin from the ground, and then be sure to leave your best wishes. Wowsers.
If you have a moment, pop on over to Haze’s blog and congratulate her. After much, much, unreasonable delay and SNAFUs, she is finally leaving this very weekend to go get her beautiful daughter Biset.
And then cruise on over to say congrats to Megan and Ken over at Megan’s photo blog. From the looks of it, they have arrived home with the lovely and charming Minkah.
It’s hard – really hard – to pick favorites from among all the photos of Elsa and her pal Isa B from the last weekend we spent together.
But here are a few. Thank you Katie for daring to fly here with a 2.5-year-old!!
I’m fresh out of wit. So I resort to someone else’s ideas.
Kind of dig this meme, which I saw over at Rachael’s place…
I am READING
next to nothing. This topic deserves its own post, but suffice to say I miss the printed word. Honestly, the last thing I read offline was the label on some frozen turkey meatballs.
I am DRINKING
A. Coffee with half-and-half in it. Which is probably not smart because I have a cold and aren’t you supposed to avoid dairy when you have a cold? Plus, it is now 3 hours old and cold.
B. It is morning, so I am not at this moment drinking it, but I am recently very much enjoying Gary Farrell Sauv Blanc. Goes great with fish sticks, and other fancy foods that we eat around here. Can’t afford to buy it anymore, so I should be stretching my stock, but I’m blowing through it instead. Life is short, right?
I am LISTENING TO
blessed quiet. Am home, Elsa is at school. If I had energy, this would be the perfect time to leap into action and get to one of the bazillion projects around here that can’t be accomplished when there is a 2-year-old present. But I am instead a limp noodle. Working a bit, blogging a bit, napping in between.
I am WATCHING
this little computer screen. Too much. As for the other screen, I’m a bit behind – but I love Bones. I think it’s my favorite show. Have developed a very serious crush on Agent Seeley Booth. Yummy. (Maybe I should work on having a love life in the real world, instead… nah. Seeley’s the guy for me.)
I am LOVING
the little patches of blue that have finally FINALLY appeared in the sky. Thank you God!! Must find a way to haul my carcass outside and manufacture some vitamin D.
What are you READING, DRINKING, LISTENING TO, WATCHING, LOVING right now?