i was so annoying

I was talking to someone the other day who I don’t see often, but used to know well.  She is a perfectly fine person, and very nice.  She does not have kids.

Anyway, the thing is – I was complaining about (surprise!) Elsa’s current crazy sleeplessness… the multiple awakenings in the night and (especially) the pre-dawn wakeup calls.

And she said that I should simply say to Elsa – kindly yet firmly – that: “It is not time to wake up now. Mommy is tired and still sleeping and you need to go back to sleep”.

AS. IF.

I thought my head was going to explode.

Do I look like a frickin moron?!?  Do you think I haven’t tried that?  Do you think I haven’t tried every possible thing I can think of to fix the situation?  Including the most obvious and easy fricking solution which you have so cleverly offered up to me?

Plus, have you ever MET my child (in this case – yes, she has)?  Elsa is one of the most willful persons on the planet… if she wants to get up, a nice little statement like that isn’t going to do squat.  Or – for that matter – how well do you even know any 2 or almost-3 year olds?  They are not big on just listening to reason in the middle of the night, or at most times of the day, for that matter.  They certainly don’t give a shit if mommy is tired.

Ugh.  I mean, yeah, I’m bitchier than normal right now – what with the lack of sleep and all – but I seriously thought my head was going to explode.

And I realized, in a moment of horrifying clarity, that I probably had given similarly worthless (and yet so very condescending!) advice back before I had Elsa.  More than once.

Jeez.

To anyone who had to hear me pontificate about how to (easily, of course) have perfectly-behaved children in any given situation:  I am so very sorry.

sleep strike gripe

Part of the reason I am so cranky about the random light theft is that I’m cranky in general.   I am sleep-deprived and therefore ready to lash out at just about anyone about anything.  Unlike many people, I absolutely need 8 hours of sleep a night – really, at a minimum.  And lately I’m not getting anywhere near that.

(Yeah, I just got back from vacation a week ago, but let me tell you, it doesn’t take long to go into negative sleep territory when your child has launched a full-on sleep strike.)

Elsa has been sleeping well for months.  Really, no complaints.

Until this week.  She is now refusing to go to sleep for at least an hour, sometimes more, after I put her down, she wakes up in the middle of the night every night for about 45 minutes to an hour, and then wakes up crazy early every day.  And it’s getting worse.

Here are her wake-up times this week:  Sunday, 5:00. Monday, 5:30. Tuesday, 5:15. Weds, 5:00. Thurs, 4:15. And today, 3:45.   Sweet Jesus.   We are talking WIDE awake, ready for the day, and insisting on getting up.

Nothing else has changed – she has the same nap schedule as always, same bedtime as always, etc.  What the hell is going on?  Somebody tell me how to stop this horrible progression.

I am frustrated and exhausted.  I’m getting maybe 5 hours of sleep, which is OK for a night or two, but this many days in a row it makes me start to break down.

Today I actually cried (pathetically, to myself) after 45 minutes of negotiations with Elsa (AKA her yelling “Mama I’m done!” from her room and me alternatively ignoring her, which caused her to escalate into hysterics, and then cracking and yelling “It’s not morning yet – PLEASE go back to sleep!” from my room, about 20 million times and/or going to her room and telling her sternly that it was still night time) failed to work and she was absolutely refusing to go back to sleep.  If I were a prisoner of war, I would have signed any confession they put in front of me to get just one more hour of sleep.

I have to work, so naps are not an option.  Have been trying to get to bed earlier, but work and life obligations make that tough to do.  Even when I get there kind of early, my brain won’t turn off.

I’m having a little pity party that I don’t have the kind of parent who will take the grand-kid for a night.  Right now I would pay almost any price for one night’s solid sleep and the ability to wake up whenever I am ready.

I know parents of newborns do this all the time. And some parents handle much more than this, with grace and good attitudes.  They are obviously made of stronger stuff than I.

Right now I’m mainlining caffeine and trying not to think about what the weekend holds.

Crash Course – join the party. :-)

Folks who are of a different race than their children have some interesting parenting issues.  And adoptive parents who have kids of different race have additional things to consider.

Dr. John Raible recently put a post on his blog called  A Crash Course in Transracial Adoptive Parenting.   He knows of what he speaks – and this post is essentially a primer for people like me.   It’s a comprehensive syllabus, really – including a reading list and assignments – and (IMHO) includes stuff that every parent of a transracially adopted child should know.  I know I’m looking to get educated, and this is a great opportunity.

In response, a group of adoptive parents then started a new blog where they could – together – work their way through the Crash Course, and have a place to discuss it – the blog is called Transracial Adoptive Parenting.

If you have any interest in this topic, check out the Crash Course, and if you want to join the discussion, please sign up over at TAP!   The more people participating, the better, as far as I’m concerned.  I’m going to be a pretty low-level participant – don’t have much capacity to do a lot of the reading right away – but I’ll be following along.

Stockholm recommendations?

yessiree – the mystery location is Stockholm, Schweedun.

and duh – shouldda changed the name of the photo…  oh well.  so much for subterfuge.

while it’s definitely a work trip, and probably an intense one, i’m committed to getting out and seeing the city at least one day or evening…  and hopefully eat out somewhere terrific.

Anyone have recommendations for things to see and/or places to eat?

holiday tipping

On the continuing theme of the legion of staff members I employ…

HOLY COW it’s going to be expensive this Christmas.

I think I’ll be giving a small tip to:

• mail carrier
• garbage dudes
• garden guys
• dog walker
• dogsitter
• poop scooper

and a more substantial tip/ gift to:

• nanny
• preschool director
• housekeeper
• assistant at work
• direct reports at work

Am I supposed to I give something to:

• all Elsa’s teachers at preschool?  If so, what do I give?
• the pediatrician?
• the other pediatrician (the homeopathic one)?
• regular babysitter?
• who else?

Yikes this really adds up.

What do you guys usually give?

CoC how-to???

OK, I know this is probably something I can figure out with some research, but…

I finally got Elsa’s official Birth Certificate from the State o’ California in the mail (10 months after her re-adoption was final).

The next thing I need to do is get her a Certificate of Citizenship.

How do I do that?  What do I bring?  Is there a form?  Where do I go?  Do I need to bring Elsa with me?

Please enable my laziness by telling me what to do.

** UPDATED:  According to the USCIS website and instructions, I am required to submit the form N-600 by mail.  No in-person submissions are permitted.  But sounds like some of you had appointments?  What the? **

hot yoga

This morning, I dragged the lovely Clare (in town for her brother’s wedding and staying for one night at my casa) to my first Bikram Yoga class in a decade.

I went to Bikram Yoga once before – about 11 years ago.  And apparently I have a poor memory, because I didn’t quite remember how I felt about it before.  (And oddly enough, when I went before, Clare was with me!)

I’m not still sure if I hated it or liked it.

On the one hand, it was horrible.

The room is heated to 105 degrees and the class is and hour and half long.   Three times I had to sit and put my head down because I thought I was going to pass out.  Twice I thought I was going to throw up.  The few moments when I glanced over at Clare, she looked to be about as happy as I was about being there – not.  I couldn’t do any of the poses correctly (except, of course, shava-asana AKA corpse pose, which involves lying prone on one’s back and not moving), and was totally embarrassed by my inability to even hold my arms straight for very long.  Weak.  And then near the end I got weirdly emotional and that was kind of freaky.

On the other hand, once it was over, there was definitely an endorphin rush.  And also a spacey kind of out-of-body kind of feeling, which actually I’m not sure I like.  I think I lost 3 pounds (water weight, but whatever). My spine feels a few inches longer, and that is good.

After class , we stumbled out of the studio and toward the car…   very very slowly.  You know that wobbly feeling in your legs when you aren’t really sure you are going to stay vertical?  We had that.  So, we proceeded, like a couple of old ladies, to slowly cross the street.

I guess we weren’t moving fast enough, as a driver waiting to turn right onto that street pulled right up behind us then laid on the horn.  Scared the ever-lovin’ shit out of me.   So that was the exclamation point on the end of our Bikram Yoga experience today.

I’m not sure if I want to do hot yoga again.  I felt like crap during it.

But maybe I need to go back because sometimes the things I resist the most are the things I most need…

Anybody have an opinion?

school me, again

So, hypothetically, if you had the opportunity to ask the birth parents of your adopted kid a few questions – through an intermediary – what would those questions be?   Assume you know nada.

Other than the basics (e.g. birth data, given name, family members, circumstances that led to the adoption decision, etc.), what information would you want to know, acting an advocate for your child?

I am dreaming of the (admittedly quite remote) possibility of finding out some info for Elsa.

If and when given the chance, what should I ask for?

[no, I don't actually have a contact - this is truly hypothetical.  but it's been on my mind for a while, so thought I'd put it out there for y'all to help me...  you've been so helpful in the past!]

what do you think?

I’m trying out a new theme.

I kind of dig it – it’s calming, and I pretty much desperately need some calming.

And I think it’s more readable.

What say you?

(Not that y’all are in charge now or something.  I will do whatever I damn well please as usual, but it’s still fun to know what your reaction is.)

I am not very smart

ummm, so I just realized that my boss reads my blog.

“What?!?!”  you say, “We thought only your friends had access??”

That would be also true.  You see, back in the day when this blog began, I told 3 people at work about it, and gave them access.  Didn’t seem a high-risk endeavor, as I really like these women, consider them friends, and trust them.

Then one of them got promoted a while ago – and is now my boss.  And I still haven’t (obviously) quite made the mental transition.  Thus, I decided to vent my spleen about shit going on at work on this very blog, which is not something – really – that one should do in a venue accessible to one’s boss.  Even if she is your friend.  Because, hello?  We all want the people working for us to be motivated and cheerful (at least most of the time) employees with good attitudes.

I’m not sure she even has time to read this stupid blog, because she has been given a new role that is probably 3 times harder than the one I have.

But just in case:

Dear boss/friend,

Please know that I was tired and feeling sick and crappy and well, to be embarrassingly honest, pre-menstrual when I wrote that post.  I really like my job, I don’t actually think it’s a hopeless situation (just a hard one), and by the way – I really like reporting to you, even if you are my friend and that’s a little weird.  Finally, I want to be totally clear that I am extremely grateful to be gainfully employed in a time of economic uncertainty.

With much humility for stupid online venting,

Your idiot employee/friend